How to Manage Attachments Without Losing Yourself

The Art of Letting Go 

It could be a complicated romantic relationship or a toxic relationship with your family.  

What is important for you is to understand that there come times when you must let go. Let me put it this way. There may be moments when you spend more than a day with someone, and you begin developing interest in getting this overwhelming feeling that creeps over you until you finally lose yourself. Everything that you say after, is only a response, the kind you know they want to hear. You may feel like it is extremely difficult for you to maintain a separate self while continuing to have an external dialogue with that person.  

Understanding Attachment 

This is the game of attachment.  

What does it mean to be attached? When you dig deeper, it seems to have to do with expectations. When you are attached to someone or something, we wish for situations to be in a certain way. Remember this, we tend to be attached to someone because we look for them to fill the void within ourselves. We want our partners to stay with us forever, we fear our children growing up, we do not want to grow older by the day and resist the reality of ageing, and we certainly do not want to be struck by tragedy. We either want things to be different or just to stay the same.  

When Attachment Leads to Suffering: Choosing Acceptance Instead 

Here is what attachment means: the side effect of resistance.  

If we are attached to certain situations in a certain way, the moment they don’t match our wishes, we resist everything that is happening. The reality of life is no matter what we want, events happen, sometimes matching our interests and sometimes not. So, the larger question remains how do we meet the moments of our lives? You may not be able to control all that is happening, but you can certainly choose how you respond.  

Begin with asking these questions to yourself: 

• Do my hopes and expectations weigh me down? 

• Have I been resisting what is here? 

It all comes down to one simple truth: resistance brings suffering with it. Acceptance and openness bring ease. The trick is to stop the inner war and choose peace.  

Embracing Reality for Emotional Freedom 

The art of letting go begins with receiving what is happening and quitting to resist.  

You hold your desires lightly and at the same time, stay open to whatever happens. The mantra to peace is to surrender yourself to reality just as it is.  

All of us have experienced relationships that felt too overwhelming or emotionally draining. These unhealthy relationships drain you both physically and mentally. It is in these times that detaching from them is the best possible way to take care of your emotional well-being.  

There may be different reasons why people may feel the need to emotionally detach themselves from a relationship- whether it’s an intimate one or a complicated family affair. 

Here are some of the most common reasons: 

• Past experiences like neglect, trauma or abuse 

• Personal choices 

• Use of medicines such as antidepressants   

• Mental health conditions like PTSD, personality disorder or depression 

Detachment vs. Numbing: Understanding Healthy Emotional Boundaries 

Although detachment can mean avoiding certain people or situations that cause you stress, it may also lead to “emotional numbing” or dampening of all emotions.  

On the other hand, it can also mean building and maintaining boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. When you set clear boundaries for your relationships, you become able to avoid any feelings of stress, anger, resentment or even disappointment that builds up when your limits are pushed or ignored.  

Emotional detachment is however, not: 

• Inability to feel any emotion or lacking empathy. Voluntary detachment does not indicate a symptom of depression.  

If you find yourself unable to figure out the reason for detaching, you should consider reaching out to a healthcare or mental health professional. When you talk to someone, it helps you better determine why you are doing it and what is the best way to do it.  

How to Leave a Relationship Without Regret 

Now that you have decided to let go of someone you love, the question arises, how do you do it? Here is what you can try: 

• Identify the reason by asking yourself why you have decided to detach from the relationship. It is very important to have a solid reason to let go.  

• Release your emotions. You may choose to dance, cry, or take a kickboxing class, rather than try and bottle up your emotions. When you release your emotions, you become able to release the tension and avoid saying something that you regret afterwards.  

• Leaving a relationship brings with it difficult conversation. The most important thing here is to avoid the reaction that may cause you regret. Instead, respond thoughtfully after a deep breath. This way, you allow space in the conversation and clarity thereby leading to a productive conversation.  

Prioritizing Your Emotional Health 

It is very natural to look back and see the best in your partner. But remember, looking back will only leave you stuck in it. Instead, the mantra is to look to the future. Try thinking about your future happiness, consider that maybe the time has come to let go. Although it’s easier said than done, detachment does not mean you are selfish. When it is about your emotional health, it is very much needed to take care of yourself while trying to build a good, strong foundation of self-love before you seek other relationships (romantic or platonic). Attachment always leads to disappointments. The trick is to love yourself first, so when people leave or disappoint you, you will not stand to lose anything.  

A relationship should only be an accessory for yourself, not a missing piece of the puzzle. It’s only you who can complete yourself!

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